UPDATE UPDATE

Wow, after several years ive decided to try and resurrect this little blog of mine. I recently told a friend I missed having a place to write. Then out of nowhere a blog "challenge" if you will came about on a public group im in. So here I am and I'm going to try and keep this thing going. Bare with me as I make changes and update content. Feel free to sift through my old posts, you just might learn something new about me....

Wednesday, October 20, 2010

A serious subject - about my hubby and my PPD/A

I haven't been on here much, I guess I've been neglecting my blog.  I keep posting pictures, but nothing of substance.  I will try to work on that.

I wanted to share something very personal today with you all and just ask for your thoughts for my family.  Kris is struggling.  He has been picking up soo much of my slack from me having PPD/A and have been saying yes to every request made of him.  He wants to make everyone happy and in the end he of course made himself unhappy.

I have seen this coming on for a while now.  He tells me to just relax, read a book, go blog etc, and he will take care of Aiden, laundry, housework and me.  I tell him I am doing better, and he sees a difference in me since I started therapy, but he is just afraid that I will get frustrated and have a set back.  People know he is a talented mechanic and therefore he is always being asked to use his discount and gets parts for his cousin, to check out a problem for someone else, do routine maintenance on everyones cars and he does love it, but he is starting to regret people knowing his talent.  He told me not long ago he feels used.  That people only want him for what he can do and not who he is.

Lately he has been slinking around and being quiet.  I know he's holding something in.  I don't know what exactly brought it on but Monday he just collapsed.  He had 3 different breakdowns and the last one had me hysterical enough to call my own mom to come over to comfort me.  It hurt soo much to see such a strong man crying out for help that I felt I couldn't give him.  After a long talk with all the family and many tears Kris had finally shared how he had been feeling.  Poor Kris was soo upset he doesn't even know what he said, it just poured out for him. 

I bought him a nice leather bound journal for our anniversary next week and gave that to him early so he could start to write everyday.  He's been writing when he can't sleep, if we had a great day or a bad day.  I think in the long run it will help him express himself better.  My mom took him to a movie the other day, just the two of them.  His dad took him to home depot and bought a new work table Kris wanted.  Today he is at the junk yard getting parts he wants.  He and I had a quiet dinner together at Red Robin without Aiden.  And the biggest step of all - he is joining me at therapy tomorrow!

Hopefully therapy will help him feel better, if he keeps going with me that is okay, but if he wants to talk to someone alone that is great too.  Either way I think just admitting he was feeling overwhelmed and depressed was wonderful for him.  Has anyone else with PPD noticed their spouse getting a version of caregiver stress??

Just keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  My hubby and I are strong people and we love each other deeply, we just need to find a way for us both to be sane again.  I have heard about the terrible twos - who knew it applied to marriage too.  At least it's not a problem with US, we just need to learn to take care of ourselves better so we can be there for each other.

6 comments:

*Katie* said...

Yall will be in my thoughts and prayers! If you ever need anyone to talk to about anything, I'm here. So glad that you are getting help together and making the steps to work through this. I know your relationship will be stronger for the positive steps you're taking.

Jennifer said...

I think it is great that he finally let it all out. Some men never do that and it only ends up making them more frustrated and upset. He is acknowledging that he has taken on a lot and hopefully therapy together will help both of you. Marriage and kids are never easy, it is a constant effort on both parts. I will say a little prayer for both of you...as well as myself..LOL!

Nessa said...

thinking of you and Kris and cheering you both on...

you are inspiring

Unpolished Parenting said...

Sending good thoughts and prayers your way. I hope he is able to really open up and find therapy as beneficial as you have! You guys have been through a lot and I can completely understand where the stress is coming from.

Ashley @ KiwisandCocktails said...

Ohh, I am so sorry you two are going through this, but I know you are both strong!! Praying for your family!!
xoxo

The Muser (aka Beautiful Mama) said...

My hubby had his own breakdown after caring for me. PPD/A is so hard on everyone, and so often husbands feel like they have to be the strong one, and they sometimes get neglected. So glad your husband has begun to express all of this and seek out help. Sending love to all of you!

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