Sunday, October 25, 2009
He still sleeps with us in our bed but we are starting nap times in his bed side bassinet. So we are hoping that we can transition him into that for night times and then within a few months into his crib. He loves to be held and we are starting to spoil him with it. We are spending countless nighttime hours sleeping in the rocking chair with him. Again it's okay for now, but we are trying to slow this habit down so that he will eventually be able to be put down when groggy and fall asleep on his own MOST the time. He smiles in his sleep and is staying awake and being more alert during the day. He is just soo darn adorable! Enjoy some of the more recent pictures of him. I could post a MILLION, but I will just share some of my personal favorites.
Then came engorgement. THAT was awful! I took a picture of my boobs, but of course I won't share that here. My size 42dd boobs were even bigger and the most painful things ever. That passed after a day or 2 and I thought we were done with pain. WRONG. I have had cracked and sore nipples because they haven't "toughened up" yet. That wasn't SOO bad. Then I came down with Mastitis our first week home. My breasts became hard and were so heavy. My left one turned bright red too, my husband sure found THAT attractive! The dr. gave me an antibiotic for that little painful infection, which I am still taking. That has been a pain in the butt in itself... 4 times a day for 10 days taken on an empty stomach. Anyway, so I thought for sure that would be the end of my breast troubles...WRONG AGAIN.
As of yesterday my left breast was hurting A LOT and was getting hard again. I couldn't believe this was happening. By the time I woke up this morning it was clear what the problem is... I have a milk blister now. For those who need explanation (I know I did...) it's a clogged duct on my nipple itself that looks like white blisters. Since it's clogged the milk can't come out and so my breast is just getting filled with milk therefore getting nice and hard again. I've read online remedies to this and I have spent my entire morning with a heating pad on my breast and then pumping milk as soon as the blisters clear a bit. Oh it's awful, but I think I'm finally getting the clog out. Poor Aiden, he's stuck eating off only the right boob. What a sad story.
So there you have it, my struggle so far with breastfeeding and it's been 2 weeks and 2 days. I've read and keep being told that it really DOES get better... but it's taking too long to get there. I keep crying to Kris because I feel like giving up. I don't know if I can go another month waiting for this to improve. I almost dread some feedings just because I know how bad it will hurt to get started. I will stick with it though, I have to for Aiden. It's by far the best option for us as a family. I know how good it is for Aiden (I was a formula baby so I know formula isn't bad at all for babies...i'm just saying...) and because it's free and we are poor it for sure is worth sticking with it. Think of how much money we will save if I get past this hard part and can exclusively breastfeed him for 6 months or longer. I just had to vent, and share my struggle. I know a lot of my readers are moms and will understand. I love Aiden dearly and will go through any pain for him, and the boob troubles are just trial number 1 for him.
Now, back to my heating pad... another feeding in 2 hours....
Wednesday, October 21, 2009
I wish I had things to say that were non baby related. I mean I love talking about Aiden and I'd be lying if I didn't say that I love you ladies being so sweet in your comments to me. However, I feel like a bad blogger! It sure doesn't help that today's Seven Clown Circus and tomorrow's Mama Kat's posts are all about being a mom. Those were not my fault! lol
Please stick around with me and I promise I'll try to get back to my normal bloggy blurbing fun. I do have one non Aiden related thing to share. Kris has been home with me still (this was not the plan but his work has been SOO slow he doesn't even go in - please pray for us that this changes VERY SOON!!) but he has been working on his online Auto coursework. As of today he finally finished and he should be getting his certificate soon. With his certificate he will be able to go and take the official Auto Mechanic Licensing test and once certified he can legally collect money for working on cars. This is his passion so I am very proud and excited for him. Cheers to my hubby. Plus it's been really nice him being home and extra week with us!
It's unconditional. It's stronger every day. It's changing poopy diapers one after the other. It's being peed on. It's being needed. It's stressful and yet soo easy.
It's loving your husband more each day. Watching him hold your son, kiss him, nap with him, feed him. The pic above is me looking at my husband after seeing our son for the first time. I tear up when I see it - it speaks volumes about how Motherhood makes me love him more.
It's being exhausted. It's never ending. It's the best and most rewarding thing in the world. Motherhood is my job and what I will always be doing. I am a mother now and forever and I love it.
Monday, October 19, 2009
I had the pack n' play next to my side of the bed, with the bassinet feature, and he slept there for 1 1/2 nights. He woke up every hour and wasn't a very happy baby. So by the middle of night 2 Kris said "just put him in our bed so we can get some sleep hunny, you need to rest, you just had surgery!". Being the good wifey I am I obeyed and every night since he is in our bed. I usually finish feeding around 1130-12am and then we sleep until about 3:30 up to as late one night at 4:45 before he needs another shot at the boob and a diaper change. Then we sleep until about 6-7am. He's a good sleeper in our bed! Of course my poor boobs hate this arrangement. Being so close to little man and not wearing a bra the last 2 nights have meant waking up literally SOAKING in milk. I mean to tell you, you all will say "oh yes, the leaking..." but good lord, when your boobs are beyond a size E let me tell you the amount of milk is out of control. I can pump 3oz each breast already if that gives you a clue on my abundant supply. My poor husband finds waking up in a puddle to be disgusting, I think it's funny when woke up with his hand on me. I have to deal with it, he should too! Anyway, I didn't think I wanted to cosleep, but it's been worth it for my sanity! I told Kris we must reevaluate this situation by 3 months and get the kid into his crib.
Friday, October 16, 2009
Okay so instead of pregnancy updates I thought I'd now start up with baby updates. I don't know if others do this so I'm just gonna wing it and make my own "categories" to answer and they may change as time goes by. Also I'll be adding my post baby pics, at my dr today I found out I've only lost a TOTAL of 5lbs since having Aiden. He was 6lb 15oz at birth people! Oh well, I still think I'm looking pretty good for not losing weight....
Stats: As of Wed he was up to 6lbs 7oz and still 19 1/2 inches long.
Clothes Size: We had to go out and buy a few outfits in premie size. Of course 2 days wearing them and now they are getting snug. It's okay though, we got them on clearance anyway. Some of his newborn stuff kinda fits - like if we roll up the waist on his pants they fit and if you don't mind saggy onesie butt. lol
Sleep: He sleeps a lot through the day, but in short amounts. At night time we have turned into a co-sleeping family. It was not our plan, we have a bassinet by my side of the bed, but when he would wake up every 1 or 1 1/2 fussy and we learned that he would sleep in 4 hour stretches in our bed... well the choice was pretty clear. He sleeps in his boppy pillow between mommy and daddy and we are all a lot happier.
Eating: This kid is a little piggy. They say newborns eat about 2oz a feeding but when I pump (we do pumped milk in the night so daddy can give mommy a rest) he eats more like 3 or 4oz in a feeding. Or I will feed him 15 mins and each boob and then 1hr later he is hungry again. I'm just a big milk machine.
Low point of the week: Well it was a mommy low point. I have gotten mastitis on my left breasts and it hurts badly, it caused me to feel really run down earlier this week and I cried and had a total breakdown. Kris just put me in bed at 7pm, and then came and kept me company and took care of Aiden and let me rest. It was nice, but I was just soo overwhelmed. Now I got meds and should start feeling better and hopefully will get more sleep.
High point: Oh boy there are soo many. Aiden snores in his sleep, he gave daddy a "thumbs up" twice now which makes daddy thrilled. Just the way he looks at us is just a good thing. He got a clean bill of health from the dr this week too. Going shopping with my mom and his mom.
Funny Moment: Watching Kris change Aiden's diaper in his mom's van outside Baby'sRus.
Dr's appt today put mom at 251. This is only 5 pounds less than how much I was the day I had him. How sad, I still haven't lost his birth weight. I do feel flatter though and I don't think I look like I'm carrying around 42 extra pounds. You tell me... pics start at 38w5d (my last pics I had him at 39w3d) and end with today at 1 week pp.
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Thursday we got a call at 11am telling us to come on in at 12:30pm and we'd get this show on the road. The plan was still to use the cervical ripening procedure which would take 6 hours before we could start pitocin. Well, before they could get started, I didn't have any IV's hooked up or anything, surprise surprise I start gushing stuff! I went pee and it kept up. Then I sat in bed and a huge gush came out, I really did feel like I was just sitting there peeing myself. It was the strangest feeling ever to sit there and just keep gushing. They did a test on it to see if it was my water, and the test said no! However, I kept dripping through my exam and I just felt it was my water despite the test, I mean we had problems getting a positive HPT too, why wouldn't we have problems now! Hours later they determined it must have been a forebag and I really had been ruptured.
As we were all being rushed out of the room a nurse explained that Aiden's heartbeat had dropped a lot, into the 80's, but unlike the other times during my labor it would not come back up. They were going to have to do an emergency c-section because they needed to get him out now. I was crying, and all I could say was "is he breathing?" I was soo worried about him, I could care less that I was having surgery. Kris and mom were left with the knowledge that his heart rate was dropping at the OR door and they told Kris they'd be right back for him. They were both in tears as well. Once I was in the OR they moved me from my bed to the operating table. His heart rate was becoming stable again so my dr explained that now we were not going to rush, we would slow down and make this as normal as possible as not to stress out me or the baby further. I was finally starting to relax and understand what was going on. I loudly announced to everyone in the room "well at least now I won't poop when I push!". I got a lot of laughs, but I was being super serious, I was concerned about it all day. I just love my dr, she was very reassuring that Aiden was okay and laughed at my comment. The same anesthesiologist was at my head and was explaining everything to me (they are going to clean you, now they are shaving you.. they are taking scrubs to Kris and will tell your mom everything is okay now etc). He gave me more drugs to top me off at this point and tried to calm me down until Kris could come in.
Kris held him near my head and they finished closing me up, we were a family. Aiden was screaming when he came out but within 30 seconds of Kris holding him and me talking to him Aiden was wide eyed and just staring at us. You can see this in the pics, he just calmed down immediately and just took in our faces. I didn't realize it right away but the anesthesiologist had grabbed Kris' camera and was snapping our first family pics for us. He took a lot of them and I'm soo grateful he did. He was a wonderful dr, but more than anything he was a compassionate man. In the recovery room my mom got to see him, Kris walked out holding him and my mom just started crying. Everyone was okay but so emotional after such the emergency. Aiden was quickly put to breast but my arms were still numb and I couldn't hold him just yet. I had the shakes again as I came down from the meds. Later on they would cause me to have extreme itches too.
Aiden and I have been doing so very wonderful. He is eating a lot, and like a little champ. He has gone down in weight though, hopefully that will turn around with tonight's weigh in as he is getting close the losing the 10% max allowed, that is a bad sign. He is soo small he looks premie to me and his newborn clothes just swim on him. He has such a personality already too, but I will write more about him and his characteristics in many other posts I'm sure.
I can't believe it all happened the way it did, but I have to say I am in love with my birth story. I was going to be induced, I ended up starting labor on my own, I went through 2hrs of awful, horrible contractions (just because I was a wuss during them doesn't mean I shouldn't get credit for it!) and I think in general we all handled the emergency situation pretty well. I'm now a c-section mama and looking forward to having at least 2 more kids. I fully plan to embrace this easier recovery and just schedule c-sections in the future. This was God's plan for me. Maybe he didn't want to see me poop either?
I wrote this for myself and for my family and friends to read, but over at Mama Kat's this week's topic happens to be the story of your birth, so I get to share it with all the blog world now too. I hope you enjoyed.