Breastfeeding SUCKS!

Seriously, this is the hardest thing I've ever done. I mean the 2hrs of crappy contractions were bad, but they stopped after 2hrs. Breastfeeding isn't stopping. Since day 1 - he doesn't like to latch onto my nipple so we have been using a breast shield since the hospital. It's not such a big deal to me, but it would be easier if he could just hop on the teet. Some people say that I need to stop using it, and I haven't given up trying tricks like sneaking it out mid feeding, but my thoughts are any way I can feed him is better than no boob at all!

Then came engorgement. THAT was awful! I took a picture of my boobs, but of course I won't share that here. My size 42dd boobs were even bigger and the most painful things ever. That passed after a day or 2 and I thought we were done with pain. WRONG. I have had cracked and sore nipples because they haven't "toughened up" yet. That wasn't SOO bad. Then I came down with Mastitis our first week home. My breasts became hard and were so heavy. My left one turned bright red too, my husband sure found THAT attractive! The dr. gave me an antibiotic for that little painful infection, which I am still taking. That has been a pain in the butt in itself... 4 times a day for 10 days taken on an empty stomach. Anyway, so I thought for sure that would be the end of my breast troubles...WRONG AGAIN.

As of yesterday my left breast was hurting A LOT and was getting hard again. I couldn't believe this was happening. By the time I woke up this morning it was clear what the problem is... I have a milk blister now. For those who need explanation (I know I did...) it's a clogged duct on my nipple itself that looks like white blisters. Since it's clogged the milk can't come out and so my breast is just getting filled with milk therefore getting nice and hard again. I've read online remedies to this and I have spent my entire morning with a heating pad on my breast and then pumping milk as soon as the blisters clear a bit. Oh it's awful, but I think I'm finally getting the clog out. Poor Aiden, he's stuck eating off only the right boob. What a sad story.

So there you have it, my struggle so far with breastfeeding and it's been 2 weeks and 2 days. I've read and keep being told that it really DOES get better... but it's taking too long to get there. I keep crying to Kris because I feel like giving up. I don't know if I can go another month waiting for this to improve. I almost dread some feedings just because I know how bad it will hurt to get started. I will stick with it though, I have to for Aiden. It's by far the best option for us as a family. I know how good it is for Aiden (I was a formula baby so I know formula isn't bad at all for babies...i'm just saying...) and because it's free and we are poor it for sure is worth sticking with it. Think of how much money we will save if I get past this hard part and can exclusively breastfeed him for 6 months or longer. I just had to vent, and share my struggle. I know a lot of my readers are moms and will understand. I love Aiden dearly and will go through any pain for him, and the boob troubles are just trial number 1 for him.

Now, back to my heating pad... another feeding in 2 hours....