I am slowly learning how to cope with my postpartum depression. I'm trying not to let it get the best of me, but sometimes it does. Some days I just can't handle it. When Aiden is super fussy, or won't nap. When Kris leaves dishes out instead of putting them in the dishwasher, therefore ruining my "clean" house. I feel like my meds run out before the end of the day. I feel good most mornings, but come dinner time I start to feel on edge, irritated, stressed all over again. I am going to the Dr. again in a couple weeks and I think we will need to up my dosage of meds to help it get me through a complete day.
I am learning that when I start to feel overwhelmed I need to take 10 minutes for myself. 10 minutes doesn't seem like a lot, but oh man is it ever making a big difference for me! For example, I was feeling like the house was cluttered and I couldn't handle it, I just couldn't relax. So I took time during each commercial break of the show we were watching (Biggest Loser) and each break I spent 2 minutes picking up something. The kitchen, the dishes, clearing off the coffee table and living room floor, putting up the laundry that was folded. Within a few commercial breaks I felt like the house was much cleaner and I was able to sit and relax. Last night I started to have a breakdown when Aiden was getting super fussy fighting bedtime. I took a 10 minute bubble bath with candles to just calm myself down. It helped a ton, and what do you know, Kris had gotten Aiden down to sleep by the time I got out of the tub!
This morning I am home with Aiden alone. We had a little playtime, some cartoons on tv, but then he was not letting me put him down for a nap. So by the time I finally got him down, my stress level was up. I took 10 minutes and did some boxing in my living room to burn off some steam and then took a nice shower. I decided to take 10 minutes (yes, it takes this long...) to dry and straighten my hair after I got dressed. It's amazing what a little workout, and a little time to make myself feel "pretty" can do. I am now calm and collected and waiting for Aiden to wake up! Now this afternoon doesn't seem so daunting. I can handle it - 10 minutes at a time!
I guess the key to recovery is one day at a time. Not just one day though, 10 minutes at a time for me. If I can get through 10 minutes of stress and then let myself relax again I will be okay. I just have to keep reminding myself that I am feeling much better, much more often, than I was just a few weeks ago. Who knows how long it will be until I really feel great, but I am slowly learning some tricks to make myself feel more normal. To feel like I am not going crazy and I can really handle this. It's not easy everyday, but it's easier, and that is improvement.
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