2 steps forward, 1 step back. Supermom to Superbomb.

Yesterday I felt like a superhero, supermom.  Today I feel like a failure.  It's soo hard to see a glimpse of feeling wonderful and then feel like it disappeared.  I don't know what happened overnight, but I want it back.  I know I will have it back, and I am writing this all out now so I can start today fresh.  I am making the choice to make today more like yesterday.

Yesterday began like any other day.  Mommy got to sleep in a bit while Daddy got up with Aiden.  He gave him his morning bottle, changed his morning poopy {my boys are morning poopers, it's kind of funny the similarities you notice} and spent some time playing with toys.  Mommy got up and drank coffee, blogged a bit and Aiden went down for a nap.  Easy.  Normal.

Daddy suggested a walk since it was nice out, I decided I needed a shower first.  Then my mom came over and we all skipped the walk and sang songs while Kris uploaded stuff to mom's ipod.  Aiden enjoyed his grammy and mommy singing to him and eventually got tired and went back down for a nap.  Again, nothing unusual or superhero like.  Fun.  Unplanned.

Then the afternoon hit.  Aiden was fussy and being a pain in the butt for Kris.  Mommy to the rescue!  I could tell Kris was stressing out because of Aiden and because my poor husband has been working soo hard to take care of me and Aiden he was not taking care of himself.  So he took a minute to bathe Aiden and I got dinner going, I actually made dinner folks.  I mean like, I poached chicken breasts, boiled some broccoli and then threw together a chicken curry broccoli casserole and had it in the oven when Kris was done bathing Aiden.  Supermom took over the show!

I played with Aiden, sang to him, talked to him, let him bounce all over me.  All the while daddy worked out his stress by playing video games.  I wasn't stressed in the least bit, it felt amazing to be in control.  I wasn't anxious because Aiden was being fussy.  I wasn't annoyed because Kris was playing video games and watching X-Men.  I just kept pulling new tricks out of my magic bag to entertain Aiden.  We went outside on the patio and watched for birds, I cooled some dinner down and fed him.  The kid LOVED the casserole, my son is NOT at all a picky eater.  He gobbled up a bunch of food.  I brushed his teeth and made funny sounds which kept him giggling and drooling for a good 5 minutes.  Still had curry smell to him though lol. 

Aiden continued to be fussy and I didn't want to put anymore stress on Kris so I just kept on keeping on.  I was filled with this energy of "Look at ME?!  I'm doing this!".  I was soo proud of myself, but I didn't say anything to jinx myself.  I am sure my higher dose of meds helped.  It doesn't seem to wear off at the end of the day, last night was proof.  It was keeping me sane all day.  I had a genius mom moment and put crushed ice {which I had to crush myself from a cube using my slap chop!} in Aiden's mesh feeder.  He loved it!  It kept him quiet while he sucked on it and I knew it must have made his mouth feel better.

I got him to bed, and life was well.  I took the roll of binkie {something he won't take while teething anyway...} patrol and got up with Aiden throughout the night too.  Due to his mouth, his sleep seems bothered this week.  I had to rock him a few times, but I did it, and I was fine.  I turned on his music bear, held him close, closed my own eyes {I think I drifted off once} and listened to the rain outside pelting the tin carports.  Then everything changed at 7am.

Aiden was awake, I was still soo very tired {the ExcedrinPM keeps me groggy in the am}.  Kris had a tummy ache.  So I got Kris some meds, and made Aiden a bottle.  It took 3 times rocking him to try and get him to finish the bottle.  I had to dig out new toys so I could keep him still long enough to change that routine poopy diaper.  I was getting frustrated!  How could this be happening soo early in the morning?  I was fine the day before, I was supermom.  Ugh.  So I finally got Aiden back to sleep and managed another hour of sleep for myself.  We all go up as a family at 930.

The crappiness continues.  Aiden was fussy and the noise was getting on my nerves.  I was hot, I forgot to take my heartburn pill when I woke up, so my morning coffee was already giving me grief.  The tv was annoying me, I felt smothered on the sofa by a well meaning hubby and a squirmy boy.  Why am I feeling this way?  Kris could see it and he decided to take Aiden shopping for my Mother's day gift.  Fine, great!  Except in order to get out the door it meant mommmy had to hold squirmy boy while balancing a laptop on her legs because she had no free hand to move it.  Aiden screaming while Kris tried to dress him.  The loss of the coupon I SWORE I had.... Kris holding Aiden in the hall while Aiden decided to lean back giving me a near heart attack as he almost hit his head on the wall.... it just kept on. 

Now I sit in a silent house.  Aiden and Kris got out the door just fine, Kris didn't even bother packing a diaper bag because he knew I needed them out, and I am making the choice to write out my morning frustration.  I WILL NOT let this morning get the best of me.  I KNOW I can have a good day from start to finish.  I asked Kris as he was leaving how come I couldn't have a good day again and he said "you can, and you will".  He is right.  I can, and I will.  I'm going to finish this post.  Go take a nice shower.  Pour another cup of coffee and enjoy silence until my boys return.  Perhaps a nice walk this afternoon to get some fresh air.  I just need to remember that while I can't control my mind, that's what my meds are for, I can control my surroundings.  *Insert deep breath here*  It's 2 steps forward, and 1 step back.