So I've held out joining in on McFatty Mondays - hosted by Blair - but it's time I give in. I think I have just been kidding myself. I gained 49lbs when I was pregnant with Aiden. Then I lost 20lbs right away from swelling and water weight etc. Well, guess what? I'm back to the same weight I was when I had him... except I have no big baby in my belly to blame. Just myself. I'm obese. Yeah I joke that Wii Fit tells me I'm obese, but really if you look at my height (5'6) and my weight (250) and my BMI on Wii - and well, I'm frickin' obese. Ugh. I've struggled with weight all my life. I have been this size or so once before, then I started dabbling in different eating disorders and at my lowest I got down to be a size 6 - like 150lbs I think. This was small for me. My best weight was a size 8-10, I was like 160ish. I joined weight watchers before Aiden, I was at 219 when I started and lost 10lbs in about 5 weeks. Then I got pregnant and had to quit the program.
I've been using the excuse that I can't afford to do weight watcher's right now since he was born - and it's true, I can't afford it at all. $40 bucks a month is a lot of money to 2 unemployed new parents. The truth is though I have all my old books, and recipe books, and point calculator etc and I should not let the fact I can't "officially" join and go to the website and once a week meeting stop me from using the knowledge I do have. I just love food too much and hate giving it all up.
It's time though. I am currently wearing Lane Bryant Jeans in a size 4 (which by the way I do love how they fit, I've always had a hard time finding good jeans for my shape regardless of my jean size). A Lane Bryant 4 is equal to an 18-20. I'm also wearing their size 18-20 shirts and good golly my bra size is a 42DD/40DDD. Yeah, it's bad. I'm soo not comfortable in my own body anymore and I can't really use the baby as my excuse much longer. They say it takes 9 months to put on the weight, it will take 9 months to take it all off.... well, I'm at almost 5 months here and nothing. I need to step it up if I really want to see a difference, it's not going to just "fall off". So here I am. Admitting my huge failure to take care of myself. Telling you I have a problem. I'm putting all my stats out there - which is scary for me - those numbers sound HUGE. The truth is though, they are HUGE, I'm HUGE, and I have no reason to be. I need to be happy with myself. I wanted to be back to a size 10-12 before I got pregnant and Aiden snuck up on me before I was out of my size 16's. So here I am thinking about another baby in the next year or so. I need to lose weight for my own sake before I get pregnant again. We are considering trying to start trying for #2 around the start of 2011 (if Kris finds a good job that is) and before then I want to be back in those 10-12's. I'm going to do this the healthy way again. I'm not going to fall back into my old habits, I don't think I have the will power to do so anyway - it was easy when I was hurt and sad and lonely.
I'm going to start out slow - just eat smaller portions. I'm a big fan of yogurt, fruit, veggies, chips & salsa, cheese and crackers for snacks, I just need to focus more on those things than eating the leftover chicken nuggets and tater tots or eating cold pizza for breakfast. That should help a lot. I drink at least a glass or 2 a day of water, but I'm going to make it a goal to drink one more glass a day. Lastly I am going to get moving. Doesn't need to be much - but take more walks with Aiden as the weather keeps getting nicer. 20 minutes of mild step aerobics on Wii every few days. Just something - anything. This should at least get me started and then I can keep adding more challenges for myself in time, but I need to start small if I plan to actually get somewhere on my own. So here goes nothing....And to motivate myself, and scare all of you, here are pictures taken of me on Saturday. I'm refusing to buy myself new workout clothes - these were my workout clothes prior to Aiden and these 50lbs... so I apologize for the stuffed sausage look. It should at least be easy to see the changes as time goes by - these will one day look good on me again. *sigh*
The last pictures are of me circa Dec 2007 (a month before I met Kris) and I was a size 8-10 or so here. This is my goal.
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11 comments:
Good luck to you! I have been in your shoes so many times (and I'm currently in the midst of a weight loss journey myself) so I understand how difficult it is, AND how horrible you can feel about yourself. If you need a cheerleader, let me know!
Good luck to you! I too was a size 8/10 when I met my hubby. Was up to 190 before I found out I was pregnant with Aiden. I gained 29 lbs and lost most of it. I haven't weighed myself in a month because we have been busy moving. Tomorrow starts my weight loss journey once again. I think I will join McFatty Monday along with you!
You can do it! You have a great plan!
Major props for your honesty in putting it all out there! Starting small is totally the way to go-- just take it one day at a time! I know how it is to not feel comfortable in your own skin-- it sucks!-- so I wish you lots of luck! Keep us posted ;)
Good luck! Sounds like you have a solid plan! You can do it!!
Welcome to McFatty Monday!! I'm seriously thrilled that you'll be a part of it :)
& sounds to me like you have a solid plan - I did the same thing back in early 2008 when we were BROKE AS A JOKE - pulled out my WW materials & started following the plan sans online & sans meetings. & it worked!
Best of luck to you! & A+ for taking pictures - they are REALLY helping me see the difference on myself!
Those last photos are amazing. You are a beautiful girl at any size. Get healthy for you, not anyone else. You can do it!! Don't focus so much on the scale. Do me a favor, measure every single body part and track your inches lost. Much more rewarding (IMO) and it will motivate you. Also, definitely look online to see what a normal calorie intake should be for you. Have you thought about keeping a calorie journal for a week or two? It might make you see where your big pitfalls are calorie wise, then you can make small changes. For me, it is impossible to cut out my favorite foods. I cannot do it. So I dont. I work it into my total calories each day. If I eat pizza one night, then the next day it is cereal, salad and a lean cuisine type of day. Good luck!! You rock! :)
I have to say, I am absolutey IMPRESSED with your honesty on this!!! I WISH I COULD be that honest when it comes to my weight/size...hhaha. YOu know I am in honest in other parts of my blog! :)
The picture I posted of myself on my blog today (of my hair) well Andrew took it last night and it had my huge ass in it...and he thought he was funny. YOU COULD see dimples, so I totally cropped it. I look good at 150..and I am far from it right now! I hope we get there together! :)))
Good luck and way to post this and get motivated! :)
You can do it girl! Just keep reminding yourself how great you could feel. And make sure to congratulate yourself for every good thing you do.
I was stopping over from SITS to welcome you to the group and normally post on the recent entry...but this one caught my eye. I can totally relate! It is hard...but I know you can get yourself to the weight you want to be with determination! Good luck with this...and I think youa re beautiful no matter what you weigh!
Mindy~
You can do it! I know this post is from February of this year so you most likely have done it. I lost my weight (no baby to blame it on ;) via a workout called T-Tapp. It was and is amazing what it has done for my body. I regained because I fell off the clean eating and workout wagon. But... I'm back to doing my T-Tapp workout which I love and I hate working out (t-tapp.com) and eating right. Food is fuel, I've learned.
All the best to you. You are beautiful no matter your size.
XO,
Kimberly
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